How to Communicate with Your Children Through a Divorce
When getting a divorce in Illinois, it’s essential that you effectively communicate with your minor children throughout the process. Depending on the circumstances of your divorce and the ages of your children, how and what you communicate to them will differ. However, having a communication strategy can make the divorce easier for them and lead to fewer disruptions in their daily lives.
Acknowledge Your Children’s Emotions
One of the most important things to do is acknowledge your children’s emotions and let them work through their feelings. Understandably, they may be angry or sad because their life will drastically change for reasons outside of their control. However, you shouldn’t brush those feelings aside by telling them to cheer up or be happy when they’re not.
You should also let your children have time to process their emotions on their own if they want to. Forcing them to interact with you when they want to be alone may lead to further withdrawal.
Continue Regular Communication Patterns
Continue to engage in your normal communication patterns with your children throughout your divorce. While you don’t want to become overbearing, you also don’t want to pull back. Continue communicating with them as you always have.
This can be particularly important if you and your ex-spouse aren’t going to share custody 50/50. For example, if your children will live with your ex-spouse full-time, you should still keep in regular contact with them to maintain your relationship.
Be a Role Model for Your Children
Something to keep in mind is that children are impressionable, and that can be harmful during a divorce. Be charitable when speaking about your ex-spouse in front of your children. Badmouthing your soon-to-be ex can come back to hurt you if there’s a custody dispute, and it can damage your child’s relationship with their other parent, leading to trauma as they mature.
How Much Should You Tell Your Children When Announcing Your Divorce
When breaking the news of your divorce to your children, how much or how little you tell them will primarily depend on their age. However:
- Why You Are Getting a Divorce – You shouldn’t go into the details here, but you should make it clear that it’s not because of your children. All they need to know is that the divorce is happening, you have a reason for it, and it isn’t their fault.
- What Will Change After the Divorce – To prepare your children for any changes, such as where they will live, you should talk them through those changes from the outset.
- What Will Stay the Same – It’s also important to remind them of all the things that won’t change. This can help them cope with the upcoming changes by allowing them to focus on what’s staying the same.
Contact an Illinois Divorce Lawyer
If you’re preparing for a divorce or have been served divorce papers in Illinois, call Gravel & Wechter at (847) 855-8447 or contact us online for a free consultation with one of our experienced divorce attorneys. We’ll work with you to protect the things that are most important during your divorce, including your children.